I had a wonderful experience that reminded me of my divine nature and individual worth. I have been emotional going through a rough patch lately. I have been feeling inadequate, untalented, like I fail at everything from housework to being a good wife. I have been feeling unappreciated, undervalued and a sort of depression has come over me lately. I know that this is not how I should be feeling. I look around me and I have two beautiful children who's little smiles fill the room. I have a lovely home with every needful thing stored on the shelves. I have a husband who works tirelessly to ensure we have our needs met and at the end of a long long day he reserves his last bit of energy to love me. I have been given much. Despite my efforts to overcome the looming cloud of despair, I could not shake it. I resorted to the garage late in the hours of the night and as I sat on the floor, I cried out my guts as my father would say. Through sobs I told my Heavenly Father that I did not want to feel the way I was feeling and I pleaded with him for the void in my soul to be filled with His love for me. Knowing and feeling are two separate experiences. I wanted to feel. After a few long prayers, I sat. I waited for the spirit and its warmth and peace to radiate in my heart. Nothing came. I waited for a few more minutes. Still nothing. I said one last prayer and asked if per chance angels could be sent to comfort me. I waited. Nothing. At this time it was very late into the night so I decided to retire and readdress my feelings the next day.
The next day was Sunday. A part of me wanted to stay home and wallow in bed. The other part said that I needed to go as maybe I would hear something that would bring me the much needed comfort that I was seeking. So I went. Church was good as it is typically an uplifting experiences but no solace came to me.
Shortly after we arrived home, the Elders called and asked if there was any way that they could join us for dinner. I am always up for adding more people to the dinner table so I told them of course. When I got off the phone Paul mentioned how it was kind that they chose to call us as we have always received blessings by taking care of them. I commented too that during my entire mission I never had the guts to call and ask a family if we could come for dinner and so I admired them for their courage.
The Elders (Elder Bruderer and Elder Frost) came and had dinner with us and we sat around the island enjoying conversation. Afterwards, Elder Frost asked if he could share a spiritual thought with us. And so he did and it was about following the promptings of the spirit. He asked Paul to share his dealings with promptings and I was thinking in my head "please don't ask me that question because right now it isn't happening for me in my life." Paul shared some experiences and then Elder Frost turned to me and asked the question I had dreaded.
I told them that I was struggling with receiving revelation lately and I wanted to be guided by the Spirits promptings more often in my life. Elder Frost shared a scripture and made some comments and then he took a spiritually lead detour. He began the detour by saying "I feel inspired to share something with you. Sister Yuen, the Lord loves you so much. (Tears began to well in my eyes) Your Heavenly Father wants you to know that what you are doing in your life right now, is enough. I mean look you, you are in the middle of getting your house ready to sell, you have two small children, you support your husband in his business and on top of all that when I called to to know if we could come to dinner you said sure Elders, please come! The spirit is in your home, I can feel it. You are a valuable daughter of Heavenly Father and He loves you!." I was crying like a baby with no shame. Through my tears I looked at the two elders and thought what a couple of motley angels! I had pictured beautiful ladies in white but no, He sent two young men in answer to my prayer.
I know with all my heart that this experience was not a coincidence. I told the Elders how they were an answer to my prayer and Elder Frost told me that even though they had food at home, he felt that he should call us to ask if they could come to dinner.
I feel renewed. I feel light and happy. I feel opposite of what I had been feeling. I realize a negative feeling that creeps in and I immediately turn it away because I know it is not true. I wanted to start this blog because I need to remember my experiences and the tender blessings that are part of our existence.
